How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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