how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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