Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
