just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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