I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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