White coat. Heels.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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