to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
