last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
