I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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