she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
