who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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