pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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