i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we're so committed to being not committed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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