im six kinds of drunk right now
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
