i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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