I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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