I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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