i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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