the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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