the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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