i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
