just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
