I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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