Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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