If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
