I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
