you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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