Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
