his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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