What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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