Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
