someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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