I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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