I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
