You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
