So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
