Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
