Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
