I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
