please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
