I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
