I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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