Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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