i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
