he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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