I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
