Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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