No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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