More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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