When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize