She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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