i need an iv and a liver transplant
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
