I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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