I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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