Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
