When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
