the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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