I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You're like the curious george of whores
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
