just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
