If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
