I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
