My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
