Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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