tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
