Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize