I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
