I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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