theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
