So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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