I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
