Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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