I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
