i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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